Our Renewed Vow

Five years ago, Tim and I were faced with the most challenging moments in our marriage. Satan had stolen our vows, tainted our marriage, and put me in an awkward position as Tim confessed to addictions and affairs. I was blindsided, broken, completely devastated and unsure of the very ground I stood on. Time froze, hearts bled, and my faith was tested beyond what I thought possible. I remember Tim accepting the grim reality and telling me he would respect whatever I chose to do not knowing how anything good could possibly come from this mess.

After a near collapse in the kitchen, I drove to church where the breakdown began as the tears continued for days. God stripped me of everything comfortable, everything that I thought had defined me. That evening I showered in attempts to wash the filth off of me as I felt raped of my very being and now burdened of this sin Tim had been carrying around for years. His joy, became my sorrow, as he had made right with God and finally came clean before me.

Despair overcame me. But, by the power of the Holy Spirit, I was flooded with peace and gentle arms to carry me over the most painful days ahead in our journey.

Anything broken, takes time to rebuild. It took dedication, burning holes in the carpet praying, teaching, re-learning, and an abundance of grace, humility, forgiveness, and hope to get to this point in our marriage.

When Tim used to sing in his quartet Realtime, he was asked to sing the popular song by Steven Curtis Chapman 'I Will Be Here.' I was thrilled as this song held history for us as a couple, but also, I knew every time he sung it, it would be sung to me. He ended up never singing the song following a series of excuses and diversions. I never understood then why until the confession came a year or so later. But, this past week, as we buried our feet in the sand and let the sun shine bright on our faces, Tim finally had the chance to sing to me.

With a clear heart, transparency, honesty, and a passionate love for each other, we had the opportunity to renew our vows and recommit to one another again, of the love and devotion we share in our marriage.

An opportunity to thank God for the miracle He has done in our vows and for saving a tragedy all to familiar with the world. Pastor Kim and Anne, who have been there from the beginning as Tim confessed to him, then said be ready to catch her, stood by our sides with the same fierce support and encouragement as they did in the moment of confession. It has been an honor to have them by our sides, guiding us and mentoring us both in our separate journeys towards complete healing.

So, as I was busy writing my renewal vows, Tim was preparing with vocal warm ups as we shared in the most perfect day renewing our love for each other and proclaiming our marriage to be grounded in forgiveness and grace allowing God's love to shine through. It was absolutely perfect in every way and I wouldn't change a single day in our almost twelve years of marriage. God took us to our lowest point to bring Him the highest praise!

Tomorrow morning if you wake up

And the sun does not appear
I... I will be here
If in the dark we lose sight of love
Hold my hand and have no fear
'Cause I... I will be here

I will be here

When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
'Cause I will be here

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I... I will be here
As sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
So I... I will be here