I never fought such eternal jealously than I did the morning Grandma Haak passed away.
9.8.2018
Tears of anger and jealousy that Grandma was in the presence of Jesus and with my sister; myself still waiting my turn. A tangible reminder of how much I miss my sister. Tears watching the family grieve and knowing I had to tell the kids yet another grandparent had passed away.
Tears hearing Mom say she was an orphan now that her parents had all passed away.
{ Sunday Staple Grandma Recipes }
Nothing about loosing a grandparent is easy.
Grandma Haak has lived around the corner since shortly after we moved to our current home. The kids and I would often walk, ride or run by Grandma's and send a wave to the second floor balcony patio which was watched faithfully to see all the traffic and business that Grandma followed daily. She knew the routine of particular cars, names of those walking by and if not, would try to figure them out by playing Dutch Bingo. She understood the patterns of neighbors and always had things to say about her dirty windows or the cotton that was stuck in the screens. And never did you ask about the creek because she always had something to say about the flow of water, critters that stopped by or logs that were jammed up by the bridge. A wealth of information she was.
So much knowledge that years ago when I went running by, pony tail in place and hair out of my way, Grandma thought she knew how one should wear their hair when out running.
"Today, there was a gal that went running by with her hair in a pony tail swooshing side to side and such a mess. She should have taken better care of her hair than like that. It was so unkept."
Ummm... what color shorts was she wearing?
"Black ones with a colored top."
Yeah, Grandma. Be nice. That was me.
Many of my girlfriends still give me a hard time about that unkept pony tail and remind me to keep it in place so Grandma doesn't have more to say of the messy running hair!
When Grandma was first diagnosed with Ovarian cancer, all the greats and grands put our effort together to create a quilt to keep Grandma warm during treatments and at home. With Grandpa gone she had no one at home to snuggle up to or rub her back when not feeling well. This quilt was a gem.
Hand prints, verses and so much love in one comforting quilt.
It wasn't much earlier that I had just shaved Gigi's hair due to hair loss from her cancer treatments. Grandma Haak was next and one I was most nervous about. I was surprised by Grandma's strength and fighting spirit during her four year battle with cancer. It really wasn't until this past year that her health became much more obvious and the struggle to be independent a daily battle.
Grandma always had a stash of Juice Boxes chilled ready for visitors which Charlie used as a reason to say hi. Often other neighbor kids would stop in to say hi as well which always brought Grandma such joy. These visits will be missed greatly.
The Grandma's that were incredibly involved in the lives of our children both physically and through prayer now gone ... the void is quite large.
{ Grandma learned the skill of selfies quickly. }
I have a file of memories from the Garden Drive house to the Condo around the corner. After school visits before games or youth group to grab dinner or a snack were always welcomed. And the occasional overnight on the couch or in the guest room making sure I was well rested for whatever the next day would greet me with. Certain meals will be cherished with memories from the round table, long prayers and yes, often a loud burp from Grandma herself. She never held back from a good belch. The breakfast staple of cinnamon toast now resides in our cabinets with the perfectly portioned parts of sugar and cinnamon in it's own shaker. The toy bin that houses toys from my Mom's childhood and my own now sits in the living room as the kids share memories and stories about this and that of Grandma.
Sundays. They will never be the same. When Tim and I got married this was something new to him and we honestly had to discuss how often the coffee hours would happen. As a young child, the Sunday get togethers would have a meal provided consisting of Patti's homemade buns, sweet pickles, finger jello and some other pasta salad provided by the Aunt's.
Grandma's dip soon started to greet us on the table when the family grew in size and the meals seized. Chips and dip, cookies and breads soon became the norm.
Often times when our kids would ride their bikes or walk over to visit mid-week, Chips and Dip would be ready on the paper plate along with the current puzzle on the table they usually always finished. Grandma leaves behind floor to ceiling piles of 300 piece puzzles she's done twice sometimes three times each.
And let me share a little secret with you about Grandma who was quick to tell me jeans are not church attire along with loud guitars and casualness. I knew Grandma leaned more on the conservative side of life so when I found out she'd stay up late to watch The Bachelor you can bet I fell off my own rocker with that shocking revelation! My cousin would often watch it with her and share notes about that week's episode too.
{ Grandma Haak & her sister, Great Aunt Fannie Summer of 2016}
Favorite Memories:
Stephanie: There are too many. Bra shopping in Seattle and sharing a fitting room when I was a tween too embarrassed to even look. Eating Beef Stroganoff or fried chicken on week nights before cheerleading games. Taking Sunday naps in the big family room on the floor under the brown knitted blanket. Playing in the refrigerator box during family Christmas parties. The frantic clean up sweep knowing Grandma was coming over to the house. Years of perming, curling or trimming the fuzz off Grandma's neck both at the salon and at home. There was never too much back combing or hairspray that would scare Grandma. And never have I seen a cleaner garage than what Grandma and Grandpa Haak had on Garden Drive; goals.
Tim: Anytime we'd visit, Grandma would always give me a kiss on the cheek without fail! Grandma acknowledged the good when the bad presented itself. If Myriam was struggling she always commented that she can be an angel as well.
Addison: Two things stand out; chips and dip and making puzzles together.
Charlie: Riding to Just Desserts and buying two donuts then sharing with Grandma even though she didn't eat all of hers.
Myriam: Eating her chips and dip and watching Tom & Jerry with her.
Baylee: "I play with her toys."
{ October 2016 }
{ August 2018 - Donut date. }
It's hard to see someone become so weak and physically leave this earth. Days before Grandma passed we stopped allowing the kids to see her as death presents grief triggers we attempted to prevent. But, even to the end, Grandma cared, she loved, she showed tears as she mouthed the words, "I love you." She always held my face and kissed my cheek even to the end. Grandma was present until 24 hours before passing. Tim was able to sit with her the morning she passed. Not that she knew that because clearly her spirit was already gone.
There is much to learn from Grandma Haak but what I will miss most is the intentional focus and devotion to each of our kids and how interested she was about the things going on in my life.
Grandma you fought so well.
I will always wave to the second story balcony and think of you as I run by with my unkept pony tail.
Thank you for loving us well.
You are missed already.
{ September 2018 }
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