A few years ago, I took a class at church titled SHAPE, which helped me determine what spiritual gifts God had given me and how I could best use them. Going into the class I was a little nervous knowing what God was asking me to do, but not knowing how, when, why, or where He would be calling me to go or be used. The first two gifts were obvious to me as on top was ENCOURAGER & MERCY. But, the third seemed to confuse me a bit as I never identified or understood the gift of PROPHECY. Maybe it was because I tied the gift to prophets who had significant impact or those who can clearly hear God speak to them about tomorrow. I needed to have a better knowledge of the gift to see it in my life. I can now see bits of the gift in my life but, still struggle with how much of the gift God is using to greater His kingdom.
You know those feelings when you just KNOW something is wrong…or right? Yesterday, I woke up feeling off and wasn't sure why. I started the day off reading and praying, then off to Charlie's well check which signed him off with great health. Going okay so far. My Love had asked how the day was going and I mentioned that I had a heavy heart and not knowing why?
It wasn't until I spoke with My Hero, that I understood where the heavy heart came from. You see, after 7 years of fighting one eventually gets tired. Traci is AMAZING at keeping her spirits up, faith encouraged, and eyes set on God as she continues to endure immense pain, treatments, and side affects from all the medications she takes as preventative or management precautions. Prior to her treatment, she has her labs drawn which determines where her tumor markers are. Down is desired, but we've only seen that happen a hand full of times. Yesterday they were up 10 and 11 points. Ugh. My heart was heavy. I now know why.
I absolutely LOVE worship! I caught myself tapping my feet and hands on the beach chairs in Hawaii and humming out loud at times as well. The kids enjoy it too when we blast the house full of music or in the car running errands. I'm proud to say I thoroughly enjoy the Gaither Vocal Band and southern harmonies belting out the faith-filled words but, also love the complete opposite with drums, electric guitars, and multiple repeats with few words such as Jesus Culture or old school Michael W. Smith. My favorite song lately is 'Oceans' by Hillsong. The words depict my heart and faith as I move forward, knowing my spiritual gifts and wanting to let God lead my steps. I want to, without borders, worry, or fear, serve God in ALL the ways He is asking me to follow. I want to be uncomfortable for my faith and in everyday, every way, every area of my life, seek God and make it known Who lives within me. I want God to challenge me, stretch me and show me areas of growth to better my gifts.
When heavy hearts weigh my soul down, I want to be able to lift my eyes and rise from the deep emotion of sadness as many times over, tests don't tell us what we want to hear. I want to be the encourager God intended me to be when others seem weak, broken, and lost. I want to offer hope to the those trapped in darkness and blinded by tears of pain.
I know I'm going to fail but, I pray I get up! With faith so strong, I could stand walking towards Jesus knowing my eyes have not been distracted, where no wave could force my hands down, stretched out to God, as He guides me through life. This is a fallen world we live in and I know the deceiver wants to sink me in my pain, hurt, sadness and confusion BUT, I serve a God that reaches down to save me when my faith is not strong enough.
I pray I can go where God sends me, where the water is deep, terrifying, and uncharted. I pray that I can GO where God calls me to go and trust that God's presence alone is enough to carry me through whatever situation placed before me. I've been in deep waters before and God held my head above the waves! PRAISE GOD! He made me stronger, grew my faith and has blessed me on the shores. Praise God for the journey and those not yet taken. And even when numbers go up rather then down, when treatments must turn to more aggressive methods, and futures seem to get bleak, I WILL TRUST and not be taken by the crashing waves.
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