A couple weeks ago, I was sitting in my prayer chair reading early in the morning before the pitter patter of little feet woke up. It was quickly after I settled in with my cup of coffee, I heard the knocking on a door with a desperate, "Mommy I'm starving!" being yelled from Myriam's room. It's been her thing lately to want breakfast the moment she opens her eyes. But, for some reason, after I snuggled her down the hallway to my chair she forgot about how hungry she was and instead, nestled her way into my lap with hugs and many kisses for Mommy.
It was then she softly whispered to me as she was looking straight into my heart and said,
"Thank you for bringing me home."
Three years ago, Tim and I had just met our birth parents at the local McDonald's with our agency worker making notes and assisting in papers being exchanged. It wasn't even a month later Myriam was making her way into this world. We had managed to make it to two doctor's appointments with Meranda which was a great way for me to connect and get to know our birth mom a little bit more. We spent many nights in the water front hotel for those "just in case" moments thinking that night was going to be it. Many phone calls were exchanged and pictures shared with what and how our home looked like and what we had already purchased for Myriam. On the night of the 23rd, Tim and I picked up Willie and Meranda to drive them to the hospital.
I cannot tell you how blessed we are to have had that exchange of conversation and willingness to have us participate in the birth of our daughter. Willie was giving us hourly updates, sometimes sooner, as we attempted to settle into the two waiting room areas. At midnight we decided to go back to the hotel to shower and get a short nap before the main event happened. I'm so thankful for the staff that allowed us the space and understood the situation as Willie consumed over 30 cups of coffee in the hours we spent waiting for Myriam to arrive.
On Thanksgiving morning, I was not able to sit anymore which led me to walk up and down the halls finally ending up right outside the hospital room Meranda was in when I heard the sweet, welcoming cries of our daughter. With my ear pressed against the door, it quickly flung open as Willie said, "She's here!" I instantly gave him a huge hug and he then found Tim and shook hands. It may seem like an odd moment to some, but there is nothing that can take those precious moments away from our memory.
After three hours of signing papers and sending text messages to family, Tim and I were able to meet our brown eyed daughter.
It was surreal.
There was a quiet pause with damp eyes when the nurse placed her in my arms.
We had prayed for this child and she was finally here.
{ Sweet introductions. }
Wanting to give the respected space for our birth parents, we decided that night to go to our friends for dinner who had prepared a traditional Thanksgiving meal. ( We had seen the hospital option earlier and were VERY thankful for this homemade meal! ) Even though we were only 15 minutes from the hospital, it was extremely hard for me to leave. I managed to put my game face on for about an hour then had to get back to the hospital. That night, we got some pictures with our birth parents and spent a little more time with Myriam before heading to the hotel for much needed rest.
Friday morning we woke up feeling refreshed and prepared for what was ahead for that day. It's hard to know exactly what emotions you need to be ready for going into an adoption; international or domestic. I had prayed for this moment, but never knew what it was going to look like until the moment itself arrived.
The time was for Meranda and Willie to say goodbye.
We found our birth mother in the nursery swaying her child as she whispered sweet things into her ears. There were kisses on the cheeks, tightly pressed hugs and more sweet words spoken to Myriam. Our social worker had pulled me into view of the nursery door window so I could have this image forever pressed into my memory.
The tears started to flow.
My heart was melting for our new daughter, but breaking for this young mother.
Meranda gently placed Myriam into her bassinet as
she had one last touch and kiss on the cheek.
Then, she turned and walked away.
It was an immediate run down of what I needed to make sure Myriam was doing; it was the only thing Meranda had known her to do so I listened intently with
promises of making sure we would care for her.
Then, she turned and walked away.
I had to stop her. I embraced Meranda and thanked her for the gift she had
forever given us.
Her daughter. Now ours.
Tim and I stood still in the hallway outside the nursery in attempts to gather and process what we just experienced. I'm not sure how long we stood there, but all the nurses and staff understood the intensity of the moment and gave us the space needed. Once we gathered ourselves we immediately rushed back into the nursery to reassure our daughter that she was loved, accepted and safe in our arms.
In the state of Washington, a birth mother has 48 hours to reverse her decision. In our case, we had four days to receive clearance to go home due to the holiday and weekend. It was the longest weekend especially since we were not allowed to spend the night with our daughter and had to stay in our storage closest. Yep. It was a storage room with a muggy towel steamer, un-used equipment, a rocking chair and few other sometimes needed items for the nurses. We were not allowed to take Myriam out of the nursery and were told not to bring visitors in our storage room. Thanks to an amazingly understanding nurse, Judy, who pulled some strings, we were able to wheel Myriam across the hallway to an empty room so the kids could meet their baby sister.
Mom and Dad drove down Saturday morning with my sister and kids so we could introduce our baby girl to the family. It was overwhelming to sit as a family of five as the kids "ooed" and "awed" over their baby sister. God had worked over many months to make that moment happen for us. Our community supported us through multiple garage sales, bake sales and countless prayers. Our church and friends were incredibly gracious serving us meals after we came home and giving
us the knowledge we needed as a new family of five.
Monday morning we had papers signed and notarized from our
lawyer stating we could go home.
Our 48 hours had passed and we were cleared to drive the three hours north to go home.
As we were driving out of the parking lot, I turned around to see our oldest and youngest daughters safely buckled in with tears welling up from contentment, pride and pure joy.
( Addison decided to stay with us until we went home Monday. Thank you to Grandma Judy and Auntie Chris who took her to tea on Saturday to fill in the hours NOT spent in the storage room. The nurses loved watching the bond
instantly become real for the two sisters. )
I'm not sure I can explain what was going on in my heart at that moment.
I had no stretch marks to prove of a pregnancy, no surgery pains from C-sections, I was wearing my jeans, had some abs and
was wearing a normal bra with no double D's to speak of.
But, I did have a newborn in my backseat, a diaper bag full of pre-mixed formula thanks to nurse Judy who stuffed our bags full of binkies, formula and other baby needs and had the emotions that matched a hormonal pregnant mommy. Walking into our house was so much different than the last two babies.
November 24th our feisty, extremely curious, brown-eyed baby girl was born.
December 23rd our family name grew by one.
{ First photo as a family of five. }
Just last week, another family was able to share their last name and forever welcome their daughter into their family. Adoption is not unfamiliar to our culture. Jesus adopted us into His Heavenly family by shedding blood on the cross.
Jesus wants all the little children to come to Him.
It breaks my heart to hear of kids without arms to snuggle them, to safely tuck them into warm beds and to say their goodnight prayers before dreaming of something better. My eyes have now seen how the "system" works for and against families. It's complete torment to hear of babies being transferred from home to home.
Hearing of another family growing from the blessing of adoption, whether it be international, domestic or through the foster system is a joyous occasion.
{ The Oakley's & Tess at the courthouse with dried ink stating she's theirs!
Her three older brothers welcome her joyously into their family. }
But hear me out.
Our little blessing who will be three in a week, could not have brought us such joy unless there was a mother who had so much love to know enough to say yes to our family profile and the process of adoption. I saw firsthand what saying goodbye to a child does to a mother. I have heard her cries over the phone as Myriam says, "I love you Miss Meranda."
Our gift of adoption could not have been possible without the selfless
gift from our birth parents.
As we focus on adoption this month, let us not forget who brought these children into the world. The story may not be pretty; it may not have been told yet; open or closed, the child came from a mother who carried a baby for nine months,
gave birth and said goodbye.
Our story may still be ongoing and the limited communication we have is welcomed. My heart is still twisted over facts and I pray God has everyone in
His hands protecting little hearts in this messy life.
But, shining brighter then heart breaking stories of kids not yet matched with their forever families, is a bright almost three year old girl
who loves her mommy and daddy, her Addi and her Charlie.
Myriam Judith is home.
She has given us laughing wrinkles for a lifetime to remind us to laugh when it's messy, smile while dancing, snuggle because you love someone and chase because her legs need to run. God has big plans for our always moving, always busy, always hugging and singing daughter. I see myself in her eyes, her smile and as some say her nose too,
but will always see Meranda as well.
I will never know what she whispered in her ear as she laid her in her nursery crib, but will always be grateful for the enormous gift she left wrapped in her perfectly snug blanket.
"Thank you for bringing me home."
