Strapped but Not Held Down

Everyday I'm reminded how blessed I am regardless the chaos, noise or discomfort I experience during the day. My journey of discomfort began in November. When I had just been given clearance to do the thing I love so much to do and which keeps me grounded, I walked into a surgery yet again leaving me stuck in the reclining chair and at the mercy of many others. 

It feels like forever ago I had four drains stitched to my sides leaving me with very 

few options for clothing and comfort. 

My Mom and I ventured out weeks after surgery and ended up at Cheeks to try on clothes and feel somewhat normal. Nothing about having a drain baby makes you feel normal especially when you look four months preggers. Praise God I can laugh and not cry every time hard faces me. 

This will go down as a stellar Mother/Daughter date. 

It feels like forever ago someone had to bathe me and pour my coffee for me. I still can't run (big, long weary sigh) but I know I can. I can't lift weights but I know my body is strong. 

After weekly appointments at the University of Washington Medical center post surgery, things came to a screeching halt. The reconstructive surgery had been scheduled for April sixth giving my body one last final time to heal before the summer fun began and a fall race training schedule would need to resume. 

...Enter Covid-19...

I've later learned that many things came to a halt. My surgeon explained that in a matter of a day, her three surgeries went from normal waiting room procedures to two family members only and by the third surgery no one allowed in the waiting room... all in one day. She also shared how patients, recently diagnosed with breast cancer, were told to push pause on upcoming surgeries to remove cancer and to take extra chemotherapy until operating rooms opened up once again. 

My heart sunk.

I immediately thought back to when my sister was diagnosed and the fear surrounding something terminal growing in her body. Removing the cancer could not have happened any quicker. The fear knowing you have a detonated bomb ticking in your body is scary enough yet alone told to sit and be calm. 

For all the discomfort I experience with iron clad expanders that, as close to explaining, feels like a too small, too tight, broken down underwire bra, I can live a few more months for these terrified patients to have surgery first. (they're not really iron.)

Yes, the new surgery date throws off my well-thought out plans but given today's chaos, it could be worse. 

Our kids are healthy. 

Our home is safe. 

Our jobs secure. 

Our faith is solid. 

Our marriage thriving. 

Our gas tank is full. 

Our support system remains present. 

We still have our laughter. 

We still have the church.

We still have our health.

We will still have fun this summer. 

In all my time now at home, I've been able to purge many things from my computer creating additional space and storage. Having both preventive surgeries has cleared mind space where fear once lived. The computer was desperately in need of the same thing. One of the tasks has been to go through all the thousands of pictures I struggle to delete. In doing so, I ran across this picture of Tim and I from 2014 that, not only is hilariously fitting, but pretty much sums things up as of late. 

Our hands are full; our bellies full of laughter. 

It may feel like our countries situation is strapping many of us down with unexpected loss and freedom. The ability to worship together, visit with friends and shop at our favorite local stores halted. 

But God. 

God can not be strapped down, confined to a box or told He has boundaries. He is bigger than all our fears, doubts and delays in preventive surgeries. God has purpose in our waiting.

It does feel like forever ago when I last ran, but I know my time to run will be coming soon. Until then, I'll keep purging the photos, organizing my inbox and give thanks for all the things 

God has blessed our family with including being drain free. 

What are you thankful for today?

{ Having fun; making memories. }

{ I will burn this pillow when all said and done. }

{ No drains and finally free. }

{ Post-op covid style. }

Caught On Camera ...

Every family has the sweet and salty moments of life. I like to capture a little of everything. 

{ The ugly. }

{ The good. }

{ The funny. }

{ The loud. }

{ The naughty. }

{ The melt your Mommy. }

#stayhome #school & #survive

Let's first address the monkey in the room ...

It's been silent here. 

For good reason with all things chasing sanity and survival. 

Rather than a bunch of words you may or may not read, let's get you caught up with a picture glimpse into what the Broersma #stayhomestayhealthy has looked like this Spring.

{ Distant Learning. }

When news of school shifting too distant learning, I first panicked gathering all the ideas
and then attempted to execute a plan.
Pinterest is great. Pinterest has the ability to expose two types of people: Always Nailed It or 100% Failed It.
I had great intentions those first few weeks of school being put into action in our home. We homeschooled for seven years so I knew the steps and process. The catch was some students weren't as receptive to my Pinterest ideas as I was to implementing them daily. Regardless, we made it work... through tears, struggles, redirection and long walks to reset... we have been making this work.
Baylee's teacher has been reading stories to her on Marco Polo and Charlie has been crushing his school goals with impressive self motivation. Addison helped Myriam with her reading for a bit then shifted to her
online school program.
Tim and I are so proud of the kids for making the abrupt shift in learning. Did we do it well? Not everyday.
And that's okay.
Summer is almost here and some learning goals will stay in place throughout the
next few months which is okay too.
Our homeschool cart is now a part of the living room and I'll try to squeeze
learning when the moment presents itself.
If this has taught me anything, it's that our decision to put the kids in school was a healthy choice.
Yes, I'm Mom and teacher, but I long for the day when I'm just Mom.

{ Projects & Play }

We found many opportunities to learn outside through activities we call chores. Picking up winter branches, planting seeds and taking care of the lawn gave a much needed break from being inside. God has blessed us with a dry Spring. Yes, we've had some rainy days but more than anything, the skies have been blue and warm enough to step into the fresh air. 

{ Learning & Growing. }

Our seeds did okay. Some grew and others got moldy or stolen by our neighborhood squirrels. Even the cute popsicle stick birdhouse Myriam made was robbed of its birdseed by the pesky squirrel hanging from the gutter. Our snap peas are now well out of the ground and beginning to make their way up the garden trellis. Our walks through the neighborhood always prove entertaining as the girls chase bunnies, seek out deer, look for animal tracks and watch the skunk cabbage almost grow taller than Miss Bee herself. 

Charlie's learned to have guitar lessons via Zoom or FaceTime even though his practicing hours have lessened slightly with outside distractions. 

I'm most thankful for the thing I hate the most; screen time. Baylee can actually sit still while learning from ABC Mouse and for that I'm grateful. 

{ Self care. }

I'm about ready for another haircut and have had to walk away from my scissors many times over. In a weak moment I did manage to foil my own hair and even tried putting my human cutting skills into dog grooming with our poor puppy cutting her locks too. Major kudos to dog groomers. I will never do that again. 

As for skin care, well, Addi is always so good to do the masks, wash the face and include her little sisters in the pampering process. 

I haven't taken hair clients for years, but still trim the family's hair. It's been awhile since not having the ability to reach over my head due to recovery.  When family members called and told me they were looking special, I pulled the basics outside and set up shop in the carport. No worries, the family wore masks and hands were washed. As for the family gray hairs collecting among a few... well, the stores are closed and I'm all out of color so truth be told you're no brunette any longer. 

{ Recreational Play a.k.a. PE }

This is vital. This is necessary. 

Myriam and I have been taking two mile walks searching for teddy bears and hearts in neighboring windows while sharing in deep discussions or soaking up the silence. Our loop usually takes us to Dad's office for a cup of water and back home through the forest. We've also had many trips to Berthusan Park getting lost on the trails and letting Millie explore in the trees. 

On the warmer days, Charlie and Myriam took on a new adventure of floating down the creek. Quite comical to watch and thankful it's not too deep. I see this happening more often with summer fast approaching. 

Addi told me I needed new hiking friends after our Sunday hike up Sumas Mountain. We didn't make it to the top but a little over two miles in for lunch proved good for all of us. 

The benefit of all things being cancelled and closed is family time. 

Yes, somedays I think we've had too much, but Tim knew we needed to see a different set 

of four walls for this weekend. 

A quick trip to Vantage, WA was exactly what all of us needed. The drive there was enough for me. Silent. 

It was incredibly refreshing to not have bickering, teasing or whining the entire way over the pass. Once we arrived at the private campsite, Grandpa Doug greeted us with a hilariously, well thought out scavenger hunt for the kids. The only piece he forgot was to look up at the growing gray clouds and massive downpour that led us all running down the hillside being pelted with twenty-five mph winds and sideways rain. 

You know it's stormy when the tumbleweed passes you by sprinting back towards the motorhome drenched in sunny clothing. Ahh, no worries. None of us were hurt and the hunt continued the following morning with the kids "saving the world from the coronavirus." 

You can only imagine the eye-rolls and jokes made about this game getting the kids hiking two miles up a steep hillside all for ice cream at the end. 

And no, the water was not warm which is why you only saw these two crazies swimming in it. 

{ Break time. }

We now await the reopening of all the things and cross our fingers for in person classrooms next fall...

And if not, we will make that work too. 

Happy Birthday Man Cub

Our Man Cub turned twelve. 

A complete adoring, sensitive, compassionate, hardworking, smart, musical, caring dozen years of being our one and only boy child. 

Charlie's been working on his skills of desiring to be "just like Dad" when he grows up from the early years on and has perfected the look of the Mini Me of his Dad. 

The once chunky baby, has grown almost as tall as his Mama and can light the room with his sweet smile. He's quick to offer hugs, never goes to bed without saying his "I love you's" and, even though he fights well with his sisters, he still loves them all like any prince should when 

princesses are around. 

Playing his guitar and basketball continue to be his extra loves while doing chores remain low on the list of to-do's. Organization skills are lacking, but according to teen boy mom's, I'm prepared for further mess, stinky rooms and lack of tidiness being a lack of priority in his life. 

A happy dozen and parents to scream a dozen more times of how proud we are of what you've accomplished and will accomplish in your life. 

Thank you for loving Jesus and making it easy to love you. 

Happy Birthday Charlie!

 

{ Doin' the work.}

 { The handsome hunks of the home. }

 { Middle kid. We can always be so dramatic. This was a simple time-out turned into a complete meltdown. Parenting often requires the ability to not laugh while holding your ground. }

{ Adventurous is just one way to describe Charlie. }

 { After tourney hot shots with Nate Robinson }

{ I pray he always wants to be my date. }

A Slice of Humble Pie

{ Humble pie. }

One can prepare as best as possible for a substantial event, but the unknown elements create moments of humility that have, in turn, produced gratitude. Having another major surgery did that for me. 

I went in as emotionally sound as I could knowing there'd be triggers and memories that would surface from a decade of pain and hardship witnessing many of my family members face cancer. This journey has been to prevent cancer but the experience has been all too familiar. Leaving the kids the night before was torment; having them cared for by our family and friends made it easier. 

Being I had to stop eating and drinking by midnight, I filled up over a celebratory meal with My Love where we toasted God's goodness and faithfulness. Tim has been nothing short of being amazingly awesome, gentle, caring and patient in this recovery process. 

With the surgery time beginning late morning, it gave for hours of reflection and worry to set in. Our good friend drove south to sit with Tim during the six hour surgery. It's been because of our village that we've done this so well. 

Recovery has been filled with love and friendship from the willing childcare, surprise visits, endless meals and cards of well-wishes. Living in a small town has pros and cons but our family has seen the deep, genuine care of our community at its finest. 

Thank you seems small for how grateful we are.

{ Needed all the encouragement I could fester... }

My sister had these socks from her journey and I occasionally wear them when I need to do hard things. If there was one person, aside from my husband, to sit by my side, it would be my sister. Someone to calm my fears, tell me what it would be like and support our kids like she did so well. I set aside the provided hospital socks and demanded my Bad A** socks remain on throughout surgery. 

The only surprise of the day was Dr. Calhoun stating she would remove one lymph node from each side as precaution not reason. 

This felt too similar to Traci's story and the surprise procedure was enough set the tears into motion. Tears that went from fear to laughter before surgery.

Tim and I have found weekly lunch dates in all our trips to and from Seattle both before and after surgery. One of which had the perfectly stated message for us as Tim has truly carried me through this experience. 

When doctors warn you of T-rex arms, they really aren't joking. The range of motion and ability to do ANYTHING for yourself is immediately stripped away after a double mastectomy. 

Even breathing on my own was a burden for my body the first five hours after surgery resulting in Tim cautiously, but with great panic, reminding me to breath. Every minute and a half I felt a gentle tap on my hand and a voice telling me, "Breath hun, stay with me love."

Once the narcotics began filtering out of my body, Tim was able to relax a little bit. 

Going the bathroom, showering, getting dressed and the first few days, cutting my own food were all tasks I needed help with. Adjusting the eight pillows to find some level of comfort became Tim's specialty. He just knew what I needed, when I needed it. 

Around the clock care. 

Around the clock humility. 

I have been at the mercy of others and still remain here to some extent. 

{ My personal care taker. }

 { Recovery in action. }

My views of recovery have been watching my Mom clean our house, getting kids here and there, full seasons of all things Joanna Gaines and clinging to my mastectomy pillow on weekly trips to SCCA and UW Medical Center. I've mastered the art of sitting and frankly, found myself sick of it while watching Bakers vs. Fakers. While watching, a craving text to Tim became reality when he brought home two pies. 

Humble pie to match my journey of learning how to ask for help, accept helping hands and being okay with it. 

My recovery journey continues for a few more months and everyday I'm feeling stronger. I celebrate the little wins for the day and find myself so incredibly grateful for each prayer spoken on my behalf. 

Today's win... I washed my own hair. 

Intentional < Prevention = Surrender

I began the beginning of 2019 with a word full of purpose and anticipation for what would become the result of eleven single letters strung together. A word that would be the foundation to the decisions made, commitments had and reasons for saying "yes" or "no." 

{ I N T E N T I O N A L }

Done on purpose; deliberate, intended. 

Eleven letters that provided meaningful connections, ministry opportunities, family entertainment and deliberate laughter with those I love. From the big trips to the simple snuggles, focusing on being present in every moment became my motivation. God provided personal challenges that caused me to rely on Him more and desire to learn more about who I am as His child.

Summer was when I felt the shift begin. A shift of intentions and God introducing me to a new word that would come with uncomfortable situations, painful appointments and a deeper spiritual focus required to survive. 

{ P R E V E N T I O N }

I've spent time learning about prevention and the connection it has to the Bible. One online resource explains prevention as such:

"Prevent" occurs in the King James Version in the literal but obsolete sense of "to come or go before," "to anticipate," not in the sense of "to hinder." It is the translation of qadham, "to be sharp," "to be in front," "to be beforehand."  

For the past twelve years, I've had yearly mammograms to catch any precancerous tumors as a result of family history. A family history that has the University of Washington "excited" about building said family history tree going back generations deep with over six known cancers present. It's also led to two biopsies, days worth of worry and fear that can nearly paralyze oneself. Witnessing my sister and grandma's battle such an ugly beast looms before and during every screening appointment. 

"If these things exist in you, and continually increase, they prevent your being either idle or unfruitful in advancing towards a full knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

2 Peter 1:8

Being intentional about my health led me to making steps to prevent destruction of my body. Together, Tim and I have had lengthy discussions about what this looks like. I've had numerous doctors review my charts, been on hold waiting for insurance approvals, scheduled and planned out of town appointments and now prepare for a disruption of normal routine. What I've done more of, is reflect on this word, prevention, and 

how it relates to faith. 

It's interesting to me how some words stand out as strong verbs, action words that cause movement in our heart, feet or minds. Other words inspire or encourage oneself. Many messages teach about following Jesus to secure our eternal life. We're taught how to live a good life using the Fruits of the Spirit and structure our lives with the Ten Commandments as boundaries. But rarely is the word prevention used to speak about eternal life. 

I can't help but think God is asking me to take more bold steps in preventing the opposite of eternal life; death. If I were to be completely honest with myself, I'm not sure I'm doing enough. Prevention from burning in hell. Prevention from corruption and disease. Prevention from mediocre faith. 

"For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, that you may not do the things that you desire."

Galatians 5:17

Am I teaching our kids enough about Who God is?
Am I being the example that leads them into a personal relationship with God the Father?
How is my life preventing others from doom?
What am I doing from preventing the world infiltrating our family walls?
Am I doing enough to prevent another marriage collapse?

My flesh is imperfect. My flesh can at times be sick. Going back to my original word, God has not only given me the ability to be intentional this year but He's walked with me in the beginning journey of being in front of, to anticipate, my flesh potentially causing harm.

When I was told I would need breast screening every six months for the next twenty years, my heart sank. My first biopsy was just a few months after my sister had passed with emotions far from stable as I processed grief. I would go to the ends of the earth to bring Traci back to hear her encouragement and have her hold my hand like I did hers. Cancer is not present in my body, but being intentional about my health and present for my family has resulted in an upcoming surgery to prevent an anticipated negative diagnoses.

Over the past couple months, through conversations with Tim and quiet time with God, a
new word has come to surface.

{ S U R R E N D E R }

I believe it's in the intentions of my time, preventing something from happening, that God is asking me to surrender my humility, levels of comfort and control of my schedule.

Robert Schuller says, "Spectacular achievement is always preceded by unspectacular preparation." 

I want to be fully alive. I want to be fully engaged. I want to have spectacular preparations in place to achieve the best outcome in 2020. This means many will have to surrender on my behalf and I say thank you in advance to the many hands making it possible for our family to keep moving forward.

My heart is already in God's hands. I've surrendered my plans for His.

I pray God gives you a special word to give purpose in everyday He grants you life. 

I will continue to seek blessings; the intentional ones and those that greet me with a little surprise. 

God is so good. 

"By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible."

Hebrews 11:3

Twenty Nineteen Highlights

A picture glimpse from a few top moments in 2019.

 { Basketball }

Charlie began playing for McLendon Athletics last fall and continues to play on the select team. He loves the sport and works hard at becoming better. 

 

{ Graduation to Pre-school }

Our oldest graduated from Ebenezer Christian School and youngest began preschool this fall. 

{ Guitar }

Charlie continued to gain skills playing guitar and had the opportunity to play at his school chapel leading worship. His collection of pedals and instruments has grown quite a bit this past year. Myriam started guitar lessons as well!

{ Tim & Addi traveled to Cambodia in June. }

After graduation, these two flew overseas as Tim gave our daughter a first hand look to the ministry we support; the Life Giving Network. Eyes wide open, Addison experienced many firsts on this trip including the Great China Wall, smelly "fresh" markets and visiting the Killing Fields. 

{ Great China Wall }

{ Barbershop International Convention }

Tim and Charlie had the opportunity to share the stage together in the same place Tim won in 2005 with Realtime. Charlie had no nerves about singing in front of thousands of people and looked incredibly handsome as our little Man Cub sang tags, took in the events and road tripped with Grandpa Doug to Salt Lake City on the front end. 

{ Reclaimed book launch in August! }

{ Tim turned 40! }

Yep. My Love turned forty and celebrated with a motorcycle trip with buddies. I still brought poop emoji cupcakes and a toilet paper roll cake into the office to celebrate this huge event. My turn is coming this next year. 

{ Bryce Canyon with new running friends. }

{ Elements Hospitality Team }

I was given the title of coach as a dozen runners from the office ran the Grand Circle Trailfest accomplishing personal goals, team adventures and emotional finishes. It was such an honor to run this again and see others do something amazing.  

{ Drivers Permit }

Addison is doing a fine job learning the ways of the road. I prefer in town driving and tense up slightly when she drives over 35mph. Drivers Ed is complete and now works to fulfill all 60 hours of practice driving. 

 { Last child potty trained. }

This was sweet relief. Took some coaching but we have finally arrived in the point of parenting where no diapers are being purchased. 

{ Boat trip with Papa & Nana }

Other Highlights:

 Ministry travel

Almost finished house plans for a remodel in 2020

Summer swimming pool

Hysterectomy  

& the simple fact that we survived another year together. 

Happy 2020.