One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret, with the people crowding around Him and listening to the word of God, he saw at the water's edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets. He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore.
Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat.
When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep waters and let down the nets for a catch."
Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything.
But because you say so, I will let down the nets."
When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break.
Luke 5:1-6
Jesus qualifies you for who you will become.
The life of Peter is a perfect example of this truth. Jesus saw this ordinary fisherman and immediately changed his name to one that means, the rock or a stone.
"Jesus looked at him and said, "You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas"
(which, when translated, is Peter)."
John 1:42
(which, when translated, is Peter)."
John 1:42
A name that speaks of firmness and perseverance; trustworthiness and devotion.
What an incredible honor to have Jesus see into your heart and call you out on what's to come. Terrifying actually. Think about this...Jesus, the All Knowing, sees into Simon Peter's heart and calls out his obedience in front of large crowds knowing Simon Peter has the human nature to do otherwise. Simon Peter, after a long night on a rickety wooden boat without rain jackets, GPS systems, coast guard approved life vests and a hot thermos of coffee, is asked to go back and fish some more. I would imagine the man was exhausted, hungry, cold and wet and possibly physically sore from handling the vessel all night long. There were no cranes or jimmy-rigs to help bring the nets in the boat; this was completely done by strength alone.
Then, Jesus says, "Put out into deep waters."
Honestly, I think I would have put up some fight, but Simon Peter was quick to the test and immediately responded with, "Because you say so."
Peter wasn't the only one who replied with "because you say so."
We read about Abraham in Genesis 22:1-4 being tested by God.
"Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!"
"Here I am," he replied.
Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about later."
Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out of the place God had told him about."
I think about Noah and the request to build an ark; the mockery he must have received. Joseph and his obedience to wed Mary, even though, everything culturally and socially acceptable said to do the opposite.
These men all had hurried responses to what God asked them to do, regardless of what society would think or say as a result of their actions. Sure, there may have been some doubt, but their faith gave way to the immediate response which had eternal ripples of life generations to follow.
This request has been asked of me many times and, shamefully, I have not had the hurried response that Peter had when he was asked to fish some more.
The phrase "if you say so," speaks into many areas of my life, both past and present. It speaks into the lives of many women I'm honored to mentor, support and encourage. My family has lived this out for years now and quite frankly, we'd like a break.
I reflect back almost nine years ago when God sat with me during Tim's confession asking me first to accept the reality; second to forgive. I didn't choose to be in this place of complete and utter shock. Paralyzed from the shame and embarrassment; my body grieved from the pain of betrayal.
It took me a few days to materialize the request and toss my nets back in the water.
Not to say it wasn't easy: it's hard work building a new marriage out of shattered pieces. Nine years later and I still have days where the sin consequence of betrayal weighs heavy on my heart. Tim's obedience to turn to God and confess gave way to my forgiveness, which has led to many opportunities in sharing our story and speaking hope into broken marriages.
It took me a few days to materialize the request and toss my nets back in the water.
Not to say it wasn't easy: it's hard work building a new marriage out of shattered pieces. Nine years later and I still have days where the sin consequence of betrayal weighs heavy on my heart. Tim's obedience to turn to God and confess gave way to my forgiveness, which has led to many opportunities in sharing our story and speaking hope into broken marriages.
If you say so...I will choose forgiveness.
There are many vivid images etched into my memory from the course of my sister's journey with cancer.
The day she was diagnosed; telling Traci I loved her in the operating room; the phone call telling me the cancer had spread to her lungs; walking her home to Jesus.
If you say so...I'll accept this diagnoses.
There wasn't even a net to fish with because this wasn't suppose to happen to such a young person. Jesus literally gave us nets to catch His blessings as our family fought alongside Traci over the ten years of her journey. Our kids knew Auntie as a fierce competitor and became cheerleaders encouraging, praying, inviting others to pray for their Auntie, as she was asked to fish with faith in a Provider, Healer and the One who answers all prayers. Physically it was exhausting; I'll admit, there were days I was done praying for healing because it was emotionally draining and I had little left to say.
God answered our prayers and gave Traci eternal healing.
If you say so...I'll say goodbye.
This past year Tim and I have been stripped of many securities as the company was forced into legal battles, re-organization of staff members and shifts in the infrastructure.
One bomb shell after another kept coming our way resulting in Tim weeping in front of the kids explaining to them how the bank may take our home; we may have to move and will need to cut back on many levels.
This left us both crippled in fear and filled with anxiety. I struggled with anger and extreme disappointment towards those that I thought credited to the situation. In all of the extreme ups and downs, Tim and I were unshakable in our promise to each other and our faith, being secure that God would meet all our needs. We knew He would provide; regardless if that meant loosing the business.
If you say so...we will trust in the process.
When God asked us to adopt, we never fully understood the trauma that would get caught in those fishing nets until years later. God has squeezed, stretched and tended to our parenting wounds since we said yes to adoption. The trauma that has been unpacked over the past two years has been intense and as Mommy, I've carried burden for what I wasn't able to protect during pregnancy.
Having your child swat your hand away when trying to rub their back, give them a hug or share some snuggles feels like someone is slashing directly through your heart. Embracing your little one while they scream, kick you, spit at you all the while yelling, "I don't want to live here anymore. I want to go live with my tummy mommy," cuts to your core. You can't help but let the tears spill down your cheeks. Explaining grief and loss to our littles, in the context of adoption at an age they can't comprehend such concepts, is climbing an impassable mountain.
Parenting through grief is hard work. Parenting kids with trauma is challenging. Parenting healthy kids is exhausting. You second guess if you're doing things right, providing
enough structure and offering enough emotional support.
God has given us incredibly sweet moments as we love our kids through each of their own struggles. We've been given tools to navigate the hardest conversations and patience when the trauma surfaces.
If you say so...we will grow our family.
There are many vivid images etched into my memory from the course of my sister's journey with cancer.
The day she was diagnosed; telling Traci I loved her in the operating room; the phone call telling me the cancer had spread to her lungs; walking her home to Jesus.
If you say so...I'll accept this diagnoses.
There wasn't even a net to fish with because this wasn't suppose to happen to such a young person. Jesus literally gave us nets to catch His blessings as our family fought alongside Traci over the ten years of her journey. Our kids knew Auntie as a fierce competitor and became cheerleaders encouraging, praying, inviting others to pray for their Auntie, as she was asked to fish with faith in a Provider, Healer and the One who answers all prayers. Physically it was exhausting; I'll admit, there were days I was done praying for healing because it was emotionally draining and I had little left to say.
God answered our prayers and gave Traci eternal healing.
If you say so...I'll say goodbye.
This past year Tim and I have been stripped of many securities as the company was forced into legal battles, re-organization of staff members and shifts in the infrastructure.
One bomb shell after another kept coming our way resulting in Tim weeping in front of the kids explaining to them how the bank may take our home; we may have to move and will need to cut back on many levels.
This left us both crippled in fear and filled with anxiety. I struggled with anger and extreme disappointment towards those that I thought credited to the situation. In all of the extreme ups and downs, Tim and I were unshakable in our promise to each other and our faith, being secure that God would meet all our needs. We knew He would provide; regardless if that meant loosing the business.
If you say so...we will trust in the process.
When God asked us to adopt, we never fully understood the trauma that would get caught in those fishing nets until years later. God has squeezed, stretched and tended to our parenting wounds since we said yes to adoption. The trauma that has been unpacked over the past two years has been intense and as Mommy, I've carried burden for what I wasn't able to protect during pregnancy.
Having your child swat your hand away when trying to rub their back, give them a hug or share some snuggles feels like someone is slashing directly through your heart. Embracing your little one while they scream, kick you, spit at you all the while yelling, "I don't want to live here anymore. I want to go live with my tummy mommy," cuts to your core. You can't help but let the tears spill down your cheeks. Explaining grief and loss to our littles, in the context of adoption at an age they can't comprehend such concepts, is climbing an impassable mountain.
Parenting through grief is hard work. Parenting kids with trauma is challenging. Parenting healthy kids is exhausting. You second guess if you're doing things right, providing
enough structure and offering enough emotional support.
God has given us incredibly sweet moments as we love our kids through each of their own struggles. We've been given tools to navigate the hardest conversations and patience when the trauma surfaces.
If you say so...we will grow our family.
Have we answered every request from God in a timely manner? Have we exercised our trust muscle in every intense situation like God commands us to do? No and no. I'll be the first to say I'm human and I fail. Tim would be quick to respond in unison.
What gives me hope, is that Jesus offered Peter reconciliation of his sins by asking Peter to let down his nets. Jesus gave Peter the opportunity to catch men by telling his story. I recognize that I may not always have the right answer, parent the correct way or respond to a devastating diagnoses with strength, but God has given me opportunities to share His blessings through the rest of my story.
If you say so...take me into deeper waters.
There have been huge breakthroughs reversing the reactive attachment disorder and days of having a super star at school without incident of trauma surfacing. Weekends without sibling wars; empathy and remorse becoming real emotions that we've never seen before.
God has carried our grief and protected us in our time of sorrow providing genuine
joy in moments of remembering.
God has been faithful to provide a way forward in the company that may be even better than it was before.
How I, we, respond to situations shows the depth of obedience to God who has
proven His faithfulness time and time again.
What gives me hope, is that Jesus offered Peter reconciliation of his sins by asking Peter to let down his nets. Jesus gave Peter the opportunity to catch men by telling his story. I recognize that I may not always have the right answer, parent the correct way or respond to a devastating diagnoses with strength, but God has given me opportunities to share His blessings through the rest of my story.
If you say so...take me into deeper waters.
But, because we said so...
Tim and I have been blessed with a vibrant marriage; one with laughter, transparency, trust and intimacy.There have been huge breakthroughs reversing the reactive attachment disorder and days of having a super star at school without incident of trauma surfacing. Weekends without sibling wars; empathy and remorse becoming real emotions that we've never seen before.
God has carried our grief and protected us in our time of sorrow providing genuine
joy in moments of remembering.
God has been faithful to provide a way forward in the company that may be even better than it was before.
How I, we, respond to situations shows the depth of obedience to God who has
proven His faithfulness time and time again.
Your test has your name on it.
I pray that when asked one more time, because of God's faithfulness to us, we'd
able to let our nets down again.
I pray that when asked one more time, because of God's faithfulness to us, we'd
able to let our nets down again.
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