{ Dr. Look & Traci May 2015 }
My sister was always stubborn and held true to her dutch blood.
If you wanted to see her fight for something you just had to tell her,
"No. Don't do that. You can't do that."
Well, Dr. Look shouldn't have expected anything other than resistance when he told Traci she shouldn't paddle anymore with the fear of her breaking bones due to the cancer that continued to deteriorate her bone strength. Traci refused to accept that reality so she did something about it and created an event which showcased the benefits paddling had to a patients entire being. From physical to emotional, she wanted to prove her point and stay seated in the boat.
With that, "Paddle with the Pinks" became an every year event where local health care providers who treat patients with BrCa (breast cancer) could experience for themselves the full-body workout and camaraderie of the teammates who meet three times a week for practice. Traci was the first captain of this incredibly special event and outreach program.
This year the team named the Provider Paddle in Traci's name:
2017 Traci Van Dyken Health Care Provider Paddle and Sponsor Recognition
Sue had sent us an invitation and we all had to think about it knowing what that meant by replying yes.
After Traci passed, Dad had no reason to ever go back to Portland. I was torn as was Mom. The kids still plan to do all school shopping in Portland because it's what we've done every year they've been in school. I knew there would be a first trip back to Portland, but never, NEVER did I think we'd all get in a boat and paddle.
In my heart I knew what Traci would want us to do.
We said yes.
The drive down was weird. I say that and hard often because it's just that; weird not having my sister here and hard to accept that reality.
Never have I not called once I exited I-5 onto 205. Never have I not gotten a call usually by the airport asking how far out or me calling to say, "be there in fifteen."
There were no phone calls this time to answer or to make.
We stayed near the airport which I thought would be easier as it's not too close to Traci's old place and out of the norm from the usual trips we took south. The kids swam in the pool with Daddy and all had dinner waterside. So strange to not have our Hero there with us.
Saturday morning I found myself falling apart as we headed towards the river. I miss her so much.
It was no different that morning.
Sue and the rest of the team greeted us as we gathered in the usual stretching area. I was amazed how much I felt Traci around these other women. They shared something unique together. They fought together. They overcame together. I felt their strength as I watched many tear up sharing hugs, stories and how it still is so very hard without our, their, Traci. I didn't post the ugly cry photo, but know it's made an imprint on the Internet somewhere unfortunately. We had many tears that morning.
This was another huge step in our journey of finding our new normal; our path to healing.
When all was done and the paddles put away, I couldn't help but think about what it takes for each of these ladies to paddle every time on the river. Gives me ginormous inspiration to not find reasons to give up. I honestly don't know how my sister was physically capable of doing this enormously strenuous type of work through all her treatments, surgeries and overall fatigue.
Gives me all the more reason to still call her My Hero.
Traci, thank you for giving us reason to smile on the river. Thank you for putting together such an event where years later, you would have never expected to see your parents and sister sitting in the boats crying, remembering and laughing all in your memory and honor.
Your legacy will live on and you continue to inspire and change lives.
Sue Best (bottom left) was with us when Traci passed. She was the MC for the event and shared some sweet words about Traci before we entered the boats. Needless to say, there was ugly cry happening in public for all to see. Mary, or is this one Meg, (top right in the purple) has a twin who is known as the "Brownie gal" winning Addison's heart over during treatment with a delicious chocolate brownie dessert topped with fresh berries. It was healing to wrap our arms around these amazing women, see their tears and be inspired by what they have overcome.
The kids came down to the dock as we loaded up and paddled off into the river. Charlie looked to be deep in thought...a wave of emotion hit me seeing the kids there knowing Auntie would so love to spoil them on our quick trip down south. Tim and the kids found ice cream while we cruised through the water. When our training was done on the river, the two boats lined up side by side and had a little friendly competition...our boat with Sue as the ring leader beat by a few heads. I must say it was pretty exhilarating to put all your energy and muscle into the paddle, digging deeper into the water to surge forward for the win. I see why these ladies love this sport so much!
Watching Dad and Mom conquer this huge emotional beast made my heart sore with pride knowing what it took them to decide to drive south and then get in a boat. What changed from tears to laughter was knowing how Traci would be bending over laughing hysterically at us misfits in the boat hitting the paddle in front of us, splashing the person behind us and Dad taking in the sights from the water front perspective. It felt so good to laugh in her memory.
When Traci founded the Provider Paddle Event she created a prescription bottle filled with jelly beans with all the instructions, much like real medication, as a take home favor for the providers that attended. The tradition was continued as Charlie and Addison helped fill the bottles and
Myriam helping Sue hand them out.
A hard morning, but we did it.
Paddles Up.
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