Her Pain; My Gain

It was about a month ago when My Hero had another PET scan to reassure us all that her cancer had not spread any more. During that week, anytime I went to pray for Traci I heard "tattoo" and wondered why that would come to mind when I'm praying for healing on earth not scarring for life. So after a week of hearing about tattoos, I finally put thought into it and talked with My Honey about this strange, painful thought of mine. It was then I knew I was to have her favorite verse and a ribbon inked on my wrist forever. Now let me give you some clarity as to why this so NOT me to even give this idea thought or space in my creative imagination. I hate needles. Not a fan of blood. Hate to feel physical pain. I have never had the urge to ink my body or pierce anything but my ears as the same goes for My Honey too. This may possibly be early onset of a mid-life disaster!

So I chatted with My Hero about this bizarre idea and she started the search for her favorite verse. After narrowing the verses down to one, My Hero settled on what my friend calls a "God-wink". 

WHAT???? Seriously????? That is the exact same verse I had printed on a picture of Myriam's feet at 8 weeks old. It's also a passage that Traci wrote an essay on back in college. I knew then that I was supposed to have this tattoo done. It's my way of always keeping My Hero close by and a reminder of God's faithfulness through our biggest challenges as He provides the soft, gentle beauty as the back drop to life. 

Habakkuk: A Personal Look

"There are many principles to be drawn from the book of Habakkuk: how to live in faith in the midst of fear and trials, a biblical way of dealing with crisis, lessons on faith and trust and how that all fits in with God's character, etc. As I was doing this project and reading various commentaries and books, I realized just how relevant the book of Habakkuk is. The questions Habakkuk asked at the beginning of the book are questions I have been asking all semester long. Why God? Why did you let this happen? How am I supposed to have faith now when everything inside of me is denying everything I know about you to be true? 

But God knew what He was doing (Wow, what a surprise!) and has used doing this project as a very helpful thing for me. I decided to do Habakkuk before my faith would be tested in a very big way once again. A few weeks into the new school year my very good friend, Andrea, died. This was the third death of someone close to me in the last three and half months so it hit hard and still is a very hard thing to deal with. I had asked a lot of questions with the two previous deaths, but when Andrea died, the questions only intensified. I was starting to feel like Job and feeling very confused, empty, spiritually dead, and hurt. So when I started to work on Habakkuk, the questions Habakkuk was asking were very similar to the questions I have been asking. 

The book of Habakkuk talks a lot about faith, hope, and trust in God. God has brought an assignment and has taught, and is continuing to teach me, what walking down the road of faith in Him is all about."   - from an essay written by My Hero back in 1999.

Funny how God brings a college course to teach us something that we can apply to our lives years later when our mountain seems too tall or ugly to climb on our own. When I had asked "why this verse?" My Hero simply said, "When people ask how do I deal with everything I say, it's simple. God alone is my strength. You just need to change your perspective when you face challenges and mountains that seem too impossible to climb. I can look back at the past few years and see beauty in my cancer journey. I just needed to change my perspective so I can see God in it all."

"The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."  Habakkuk 3:19

"Habakkuk confesses his faith in God, resolving to wait patiently for the judgment of sin that God has promised, which will bring about justice. This confession is all the more incredible because Habakkuk says this when he can see no visible sign of God's presence or favor. Despite the fact that the crops have failed and there is no food, he will rejoice in the Lord because he knows that the Lord is his strength." - Hero's essay

The name Habakkuk means, 'one who embraces,' or 'to cling to.' I believe God was firmly planting His truth in My Hero through this essay on the prophet Habakkuk back in 1999. These truths are the priceless medicine that has gotten all of our family through the ups and downs of living with the beast. It is the very reason My Hero lives today with such an amazingly aggressive fighting attitude. She is my inspiration to do some crazy things but has forever implanted her smile in my heart (and on my wrist)  and in the hearts of our children. It is through God's strength that she has been able to witness to others during six years of treatments and agonizing side affects and disappointing appointments. 

"Though the fig tree does not bud, and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior."  Habakkuk 3:17,18

Though the doctors reports are not promising and the numbers still rise, though the bones continue to ache and the fatigue never ceases, though the insurance drops treatment plans and the search for new ones begin, though the second opinions have begun and the prayers get more intense, yet we will praise God for the beauty of the journey and rejoice in the time God has given us here on earth. 

So with my nerves somewhat under control, Mom (she came as the concerned mother checking to see if things were sterile enough), My Hero, and close friend, Sarah (I think she came for the entertainment purposes) had a girls night out getting permanently inked with God's strength on my arm and a pink ribbon to always remember this incredible mountain climb my Hero has endured.

{Dinner at the big Red Bird}

{The before doom picture}

{I shed no tears but my face shows pure enjoyment}

{I never plan to be a repeat customer and really hope I don't have to see this young man again but will say that I'm so thankful my BIL sent me to Thommy. Perfect fit for the moment}

{The reward: much deserved juice box with the ladies}

{Turns out Sarah and Traci went to Multnomah College at the same time and shared some of the same friends...small world}

I pray that my faith can be as strong and stable as My Hero's has on this journey to the heights. It is my gain to be able to stand beside and call My Hero sister and friend.
God we praise you for the beauty of our mountains and cling to the fact that you give us hinds feet for the journey as we climb to the High Places.