This past weekend I attended the Refresh Conference at Overlake Christian Church. I was blessed to spend a weekend with AMAZING, GODLY women who I have the privilege of calling friends and sisters in Christ!!! This was a weekend for Adoptive and Foster daddies and mommies to find a glimpse of pause in our busy, ever-changing lives, but also a time to sit, listen, and allow God to speak to us for direction in our lives and families.
I've had some stuff on my heart lately and extreme hurt that I've had to release to God this year. Going into this weekend I was certain that I would have to navigate some of this "stuff" but I never expected to gain such clarity!!!
Maria, Melissa and I began our trip south with a stop at the Outlet Mall which is dangerous for any mommy without children and strollers to hold all our bags. Recently, I've gotten back into running so I found myself gearing up for cold, rainy days and supplying myself with proper gear in attempts to enjoy the burning of the thighs and hot out-of-breath lungs.
After filling our tummies with a delicious lunch and uplifting, encouraging conversation, we continued on our way to the conference. It's amazing how when two or more women are gathered, there is non-stop conversation! I was immensely blessed and completely encouraged by the drive south and the conference hadn't even started yet!!!
There are times when I feel guilty of experiencing such a JOY-FILLED adoption and having such open communication with our birthparents. We haven't had attachment trauma or struggles. We haven't had complications or health issues. Walking into this church and seeing the faces of parents who have experienced this joy was uplifting to say the least. The stories that these faces carry in their hearts are extremely heavy, hard, and most of the time kept secret from those who don't get it.
I didn't have to worry about people asking me if my husband has dark hair. I didn't have to worry about my heart hurting when people ask how Myriam's "real" mom is doing. There's no judgement. There's no questions. There's just realness, understanding, and evidence of God's command in action.
From the outside to some (most) would say our lives and home is CHAOS!!!! For me, I don't see that but rather feel like maybe God is asking me to do more.
At what point do you get comfortable and stuck in a lifestyle that doesn't stretch you, test you, refine you, and give you more perspective? Yes, I feel stress and worry at times, but I also feel comfortable. I've been asking God what He wants me/us to do in our home and how He wants to use us this next year. Sometimes I'm terrified to ask this question because with God everything is possible!
The conference was packed with rocking worship that (who most people know) doesn't keep me still and fills my soul with Heaven's rhythm in my heart. There were phenomenal speakers who spoke truth, encouragement, and gave permission to rest in His hands. There were Break Out Sessions with talented, gifted speakers, (including Maria!!!) yummy lunches, Retail Therapy, and more speakers as the conference came to a conclusion. My favorites were Kelly Rosati from Focus on the Family, Lisa Qualls and her son Isaiah who writes an honest blog (www.onethankfulmom.com), and Pastor Robert Gelinas...all adoptive parents with real struggles.
When reflecting on the speakers and the weekend in general I find myself refreshed (the purpose of the conference) and having a new sense of clarity in my heart and mind. I'm so incredibly blessed to have a supportive family, understanding husband, adorable and sweet kids, and a God who is forgiving, all knowing, and merciful to me who forgets, leaves messes, and sometimes (often times) does things all wrong. I'm thankful for the clarity given to me for our family and for the future. I'm thankful for the opening of my eyes to diversity and how we need more of it in our home with toys, movies, friends, and minds. Knowing how to be more intentional to the culture in our home will better allow us to respect our histories and generations past. I'm thankful for a strong, healthy, spicy marriage that holds me accountable, keeps me warm at night, provides for me and our family, allows compromise and forgiveness, and which understands how I tick and tock. I thankful for the trials and HUGE tests God has placed before us to better our future and which allows us to share HOPE to others in time of great need.
God has given me rest this weekend by giving my heart refreshment for the soul, renewal for my mind, restoration for relationships, and re-purpose for my life.
What most don't understand; this weekend all understood. Where to many seem crazy and simply can't wrap there minds around; others encouraged to step in faith and keep pressing onward.
The gift of adoption has done more than just gift us with a daughter. It has expanded our family with friendships that continue to bless us beyond measure. It has opened our eyes to the extreme need of orphan care and to actively be the command that God has given us.
So am I too comfortable right now? Yes, I am. I believe that we should always be willing to God's plan and whether that means stretching me and expanding my little plans then... GO! I'm WILLING. I'm WAITING. I'm ready to jump!
