Miss Bee is almost three months now and continues to gain more rolls that Addison can't keep up naming...so far we have Billy, Bobby, Percila, Patty, Matty, Fatty, Superman, Spiderman, Batman, Rumble, Tumble, Squishy,
Spongy and Bungee.
Nothing beats a Chunkee Bee with many rolls to squeeze, tickle and kiss.
We have entered the bubble blowing phase so bibs are a must as we are blowing raspberries and attempting to communicate with noises. If found, the tickle spots can get this little thing giggling which I love to hear on any young child. It's fun to watch little ones figure themselves out as daily, Miss Bee is learning or doing something new. Grabbing toys, sucking on her fingers, kicking with delight and lighting up when she sees familiar faces.
It's still unclear how long Miss Bee will be in our home as the goal is to go back home to her Mommy and Daddy. It's been educational for me to sit in the court room and listen in on not just our case, but those of many other hurting children in the community. We continue to send pictures and write updates that are passed through letters and text messages during visits. We have not only built relationship with Miss Bee but with her parents as well.
I've been asked more than enough times, "How are you going to give her back?" Easy. The best plan is for reunification. That is the goal. My job and blessing is to be the best for Miss Bee until she can return home regardless of my emotions and attachment. As a licensed foster parent, myself and everyone else who finds themselves in this position should know how quickly that attachment can happen. If that chiseling of a child growing deep into your heart is not happening, then it's a disservice to the child's development and time in your home. I understand how some kids are harder to love, but here's the bottom line; if we are not loving these kids like our own, then why are they in our home?
Fostering and adopting kids from hard places is a mixed bag of fear, trauma, embarrassment, shame, horrific stories and walls that have been built five stories high in attempts to protect themselves from more pain. A week before we picked up Miss Bee, we experienced this a little bit when we
provided respite care for our friend 'M'.
'M' needed a home for two nights which turned into a week in our home. From the time she entered our door with one bag of her things to the time her social worker left, was under five minutes. We were complete strangers to 'M' and yet she didn't run away, claw at the door or ask for her social worker to stay longer. She knew how this worked and slowly walked to the room we had prepared for her to sleep in that weekend. 'M' and I unpacked her bag and put all her belongings into the dresser drawers then together Myriam and I gave 'M' a tour of our home.
Over the six days in our home, I learned more than I wanted to about this seven year old girl. I was asked too many times to be her "pretty mommy," and reminded that she was "adoptable." There were few moments of fear and usually just at night after we spent time reading books, sharing stories and learning how to say bedtime prayers. It wasn't all pretty over those six days.
"M' recognized that there was someone younger in the home which instantly became the target of her emotional stress and baggage. Myriam received lots of grief from our friend that week when not deserved. When you understand the challenges 'M' has had to overcome, you understand why.
Because 'M' ended up staying with us a little longer than planned, we needed to go shopping for a few more things that would get us through the week. I'm so thankful for Little Red Wagon and the many options they provide for those in-a-pinch moments of needing something for the kids.
The morning 'M' was scheduled to leave, she wanted to write some speeches for us to hear before she left. My heart struggled with all that was happening as her story came out in these speeches as our kiddos sat on the couch jaws dropped and eyes popping out. Regardless of what we heard, we gave 'M' our full attention and clapped when she was finished. I knew that 'M' had no home to go to after she walked out of our home. I knew that there was not a secured home with interest to adopt this little girl. I did what I could and packed her bag full of car ride treats, school activities (she missed three days because she was out of district due to the lack of foster homes in her county and finding a respite home was more important then keeping her in school) and many coloring books and games to keep her busy knowing she would sit in the office for hours that day and possibly the next. She left with more clothes than she came with and wore Addison's old jacket with pride.
What surprised me the most, was how routine it was for 'M' to pack her bags and move to the next home. We were her eighth home she had stayed in during the just under two years she'd be in care. In the week she was in our home, she opened up emotionally with me and was okay with me rubbing her back, holding her hand and sharing a hug. I saw a glimpse of 'M' breaking down one of her walls. I had guilt for not being able to keep her longer, but also knew that Myriam couldn't take any more than she already had. This wasn't fair for 'M' and I can't say with confidence she's in her permanent home as she's been legally free for awhile now.
Fostering is hard. It's unfair. It's ugly and confusing. but, regardless of how I feel about caring for these kids, it's multiplied for those having to be cared for. So, when someone asks me how we can take in an infant, love her like our own, have interrupted nights with bottles and back to being spit on...
Well, it's easy.
Jesus took us in. He didn't question how hard it would be to love us when we wandered or strayed away; when we choose to sin rather than follow. He doesn't look at our past and see the scars that will haunt our futures. He wraps His arms around us and without words, gives us the promise that for right now, in this moment, it will be okay.
So, for right now, we will wrap our arms and heart tightly around Miss Bee and love her like Jesus does regardless of how much it could hurt if she goes home. We will continue to open our home to this little girl that has quickly found her place in our lives. We will provide what's necessary for her to grow and develop along with offering many prayers for her Mommy and Daddy to prepare their home for a potential return. I ask that you pray the same.
Pray for the kids in our community who are being placed in strange homes, having to gather a bag of goods and walk into scary situations. Pray for the kids who are adopted from international homes and brought here into a completely different environment. Pray for all the parents who are making these adjustments with the kids that together patience and grace may be a common thread in daily decisions. Pray for walls to break and attachment to become a beautiful story between child and parent. And then, pray if your home is willing to walk an unknown, unpredictable and amazingly blessed
adventure of fostering or adopting.
