At this point nothing should surprise me, phase me or shake me in disbelief of, "What's next?" The glass has always, well, most of the time, attempted to be half full verses half empty. The bigger picture has been the perspective of most detours over the years. Most problems lead to other opportunities not expected or planned originally. I would grade my attitude to be that of a positive one with a few brief moments of panic quickly diverted by the truth in my foundation.
Faith.
Currently, my faith is that of a seed wondering why it's grown tall and strong only to be knocked down. It started Friday when my sister was given the results to her recent PET scan after failed attempts of a bone and CT scan were done to find the active cancer somewhere in her body. Results show that now the cancer has entered her liver and can be seen hovering in other bone areas which are new compared to the last scans. Spine, legs, hips, pelvis, arms, shoulders...if cancer could be killed by sheer faith than Traci would have survived this cancer a thousand times over and over.
I, and others, would agree that the hardest part in this long journey would be that of watching two parents strive to find the best, most affective treatment plan for a daughter unable to do so on her strength alone.
My Hero has been incredible as she retains the promise of eternal life, of eternal healing and purpose throughout this battle against breast cancer. She has remained tall and strong against all odds; faithful to her Maker. She embodies Hebrews 12:1, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by a cloud of great witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."
Traci is a woman of endurance most of us shudder to think of when running a race almost nine years long. Everyday she runs a new hundred mile journey just to wake the next day to do it again. More needles, newer treatments, possible hair loss for a third time and knowing that today is her new normal; today's pain level the new standard.
I've been training for the most physically challenging event I have ever done. It has added pounds on the dumbbells in more frequent blocks with squats, lunges and push-ups closely behind after a weighted training run is complete. There is no denying that my body has felt the pain of training for the GoRuck Light. I feel the strongest physically and mentally I have ever felt before. Ask me to go for a long run and I can quickly adapt to the distance. My chicken wings have never been made of much muscle so this event was exciting as I was completely changing the way I mentally entered a work out. That all changed yesterday just two minutes into a group run through town.
All it took to change the course of my plans was a pop and snap of my calf muscle which turns out to be a grade two tear. Crutches are my new friend along with the ice pack and Motrin. If I want to run again, I've been advised to listen when the doctor says to stay off my leg for up to six weeks with the ever so slightly entrance of movement and added weight back to the muscle. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. I quickly needed to pull up my big girl panties, wipe the tears of sheer pain and discouragement off my cheeks and
get on with this new reality.
I mean, this is exactly what Traci has been doing for her ultra-run, right? I struggle to think of a moment where she let an injury take her spirits down longer than what it takes to down a glass of wine. There have been countless times of serious redirection in her treatment plan causing her to pause, re-group and wake up refreshed and ready for the next change of course.
As I sit on the couch, shower seat in place, crutches and knee scooter ready for action, I can't stop but think about how silly it is to fuss over my one injury when Traci expects these setbacks regularly. Sure, I can be upset and frustrated, but the reality is this: What am I made of inside that will be the true attitude of my outcome? I pray it will be that of strength and endurance much like my sisters. My race will look different than that of my team mates come November 14th. A bad attitude will get me nowhere; my only option is to look for the good and take advantage of my new view.
What finds me laughing a bit is how quickly Traci wants to come home to take care of me! That is my goal; my inspiration. To face my new reality with the perspective of hope for a better day knowing God has me running
His race not mine.
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