A Glimpse of Resurrection Day...

{ Attempts at family pictures are becoming much more complicated }

{ Myriam would have matching leggings but she blasted through them before we could even get to church }

{ He tried }

 { Part of the family }

 We have been blessed to have Melissa and Michaela share our home with us. 

     

    

 { Charlie inappropriately hugging my leg...YIKES...better try again }

    

Easter weekend means more to us than celebrating a resurrected Savior. To us, it means restoration, healing, forgiveness, and second chances because we serve a God bigger then just death on the cross. We serve an amazing God who has brought life to death. I am forever grateful that I know and live for a God who heals pain beyond my comprehension. Four years ago was when God died for my marriage and rose to reconcile what I can never live without.

 My Faith. My Honey. My Marriage. My Family. My Life. 

I am so blessed and forever grateful to serve a Risen Savior!

Blessings to you this Easter Weekend!

A House Built on Solid Rock

Every once in awhile we all need the chance to sit and listen; reflect and pray; meditate and wait on the Lord for answers, clarity, insight, and refreshment. I had just that this past weekend. I needed some time to be with My Lord and pray about so many different areas and "things" going on in my life and around me. I think when life gets too busy it can be easy to skip over some minor joys or sorrows and only give yourself time to focus on the immediate needs of that exact moment. Something I'm guilty of doing. 

"I wait on the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope."  Psalm 130:5

I found myself wrestling with God about my sister Traci and the intense exhaustion she faces daily from the battle she has been fighting for 6 years. I believe that we are given trials and struggles in our lives to build our faith and allow us to grow deeper with God but...I hate to see a loved one suffer with continued pain and emotional loss. This was something I need to pray much about while sitting with God. I find intimacy with God through worship and caught myself a few times singing out loud around strangers as I tapped out the beat on my lounge chair. God meets me in worship and showed me healing through songs of hope and promise. I think of my sister in Selah's song Press On:

When the valley is deep
When the mountain is steep
When the body is weary
When we stumble and fall

When the choices are hard
When we're battered and scarred
When we've spent our resources
When we've given our all

In Jesus' name, we press on
In Jesus' name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on

But, I also think of my dear, sweet friend Sarah and her family as 2013 has brought miracles beyond any medical comprehension and explanation. God literally rose sweet Nina from the dead as I grieved over the text 'pray for life' and REJOICE as Nina just celebrated her 4th birthday with a normal, healthy heart! PRAISE GOD! The Stewart's valley was deep with a mountain that appeared to be to high to climb. But, in Jesus name Nina and her family have pressed on.

{Nina at her 4th birthday party}

I think about a high school classmate who for years now has been striving to find a cure for her adorable, cheek-kissing son who was born with spinal muscular atrophy placing his handsome body in a wheelchair. Taysen has proven what courage in a storm lives like and Melodie has shown what support looks like as she has raised funds and ran for a cause so incredibly personal to her family. I'm truly inspired by the amount of life in this young child!

{Taysen age 7}

I think about the families in our church body who have adopted and are pressing into the very lives God brought into theirs, as they face challenge after challenge of health issues and experiences that no one, or child, should ever face alone. I pray for the wives I've met who are thrown at an emotional cliff filled with betrayal, deceit, agony, and trust that may seem never to be found again. I reflect back four years ago when I was placed at the foot of that mountain as what felt like my life being shattered into a million pieces.

But then, I watched; I waited. And God showed me perspective. The very water that brings life and sustains life is the very water that can destroy if we are not solidly rooted in our faith and foundation in the Bible. 

The kids like to sing the song about the wise man who built his house on sand. We probably all sang it in Sunday school at one point but the story can be found in Luke 6:46-49 which says,

"Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on the rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and it's destruction was complete."

As I sat watching one after another massive, powerful wave plow against the lava rock shoreline it reminded me of life. Life is the ocean. I am the rocky shore line. I know that I can stand against whatever opposition life brings me because of my foundation in Christ and the promise in His Word. But, it is also the very crest of the wave that brings oxygen to those in the water. How I face a challenge may very well set an example and bring life to someone standing near as the waves come crashing in one after another. I never want to be the reason why life was never offered to those around me. And let's not forget about the pure beauty of when shear force meets solid ground. The bigger the splash the larger reaction of awe and wonder of God's amazing creation! 

"Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation." 

Psalm 95:1

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliver; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation...The waves of death swirled around me; 

the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me...The Lord lives! Praise be to my Rock! 

Exalted be God, the Rock, my Savior!"  

2 Samuel 22:3,5,47

Just as the waves gained speed and strength, so does life. The busier we get the bigger the wave until it reaches shore and can't contain itself as it collides against the very foundation we stand on. The only control we have is the stance we have when life comes with another test; the unforeseen far off in the distance. There is no predicting the height of the wave, the force of the wave, the capacity it may have to knock us on our feet. 

I love the words to the old Hymn written back in 1834 by Edward Mote:

My hope is built on nothing less,

Than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus' Name.

When darkness seems to hide His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,

Support me in the whelming flood.

When all around my soul gives way,

He then is all my Hope and Stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,

Oh may I then in Him be found.

Dressed in His righteousness alone,

Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,

All other ground is sinking sand;

All other ground is sinking sand.

My prayer for my life is that my foundation stays rooted in the Truth of the Word so that when life surprises me with a ten foot swell, I can stand firm knowing that my faith will see my through. Until then, I stand FIRM in the TRUTH that has set me free and I wait knowing that whatever comes my way God is standing right beside me.

Mercy Wept...My Hero's Story

It was almost 6 years ago that I collapsed into my husbands arms as I forced myself out of the operating room leaving my sister behind. There are no words for the emotions that I had been fighting that dreaded morning of my sisters first surgery. It was only a week prior that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. 

It would be three weeks later that months of painful, exhausting chemotherapy began followed by radiation as well as recovery from an invasive surgery that left Traci in a state of anger, confusion, shock, and fatigue. My saint of a mother lived in Portland for 7 weeks in a house provided by the church to aid in the recovery process. That made it easy for Addi and I to take the train south for visits, hugs, and loves. Addi was quickly being submerged into the medical lifestyle of needles, doctors, and many tears. At the same time, Dad was back up north fighting his own cancer battle. 

This left me to be the cheerleader (that came naturally) and the smiles of the family. It was very obvious that Addison was medicine that could not be found in a bottle...something we all were very thankful for!

{Our family, minus some kids, at the Worship-Silent Auction Benefit Concert at NCCTK}

I found myself wanting to help in every way possible. I organized, with the help of many others, a Benefit Concert and Silent Auction to raise funds to cover medical costs. I also found myself walking 60 miles in Seattle in honor of my Hero: my sister. I managed just fine to walk even with a little bundle of Chuckles in my tummy...I was three months into his pregnancy. The next year I walked with Mom, Judy (my Mother in Law) and my cousin, Heidy Haak. This was an extremely powerful event to be a part of and I'm so glad I had the opportunity to walk for my sister!

 {First year at the 3-Day Breast Cancer Walk with Missy, Lindsay, Traci, and myself}

 {My Hero}

{NCCTK at Relay for Life...I'm behind the pink ribbon}

 

{My Honey and Hero...fresh from her shave}

Beginning of last year, Traci found her hair falling out very quickly after her first treatment for the second go around. That's when I planned the Bald is Beautiful surprise party after I shaved my sissy's perfectly round head. It is a blessing to our family to know that we have another "family" in Portland lifting and supporting Traci up daily. 

 {Nothing but love...always helps to have a few distractions during treatment}

{Second time around with treatments}

 {Chuckles with Auntie Traci at Deception Pass Spring 2012}

 {Apple Farm Fall 2012}

{Dad and Traci soaking up the sunset and dipping their toes in the San Diego sand}

 {Auntie Traci and her Little Loves}

Then came last week's what should have been regular PET scan with what should had been normal results. 

There are no words to express the level of emotion that rushes through your body when you hear that the cancer has spread. This beast has now spread to Traci's bones: spine, hips, pelvis, and leg.  If I could take this burden from Traci I would but she would fight to give it to me. My sister has what some say is a "glass half full" attitude. I'm not sure you can face this rock hill without anything but that fighting attitude. My sister has a faith that continues to grow strong in the midst of trial. I look up to my sister for her capacity to face challenge and struggle. I never hear many complaints and never hear an "I GIVE UP." That's not what my sister is made up of. She has guts of steel that can take on any battle.

Traci is a beautiful, able, loving, young Godly woman who I can learn from many times over. 

{Chuckles: a.k.a. Aunties's Cheerleader}

This morning at church our pastor referred to the story in John about Lazarus and how anger was building up in his sisters over his death. I think about that and how angry I am for the cancer to not have responded to the past year of chemotherapy. I'm angry for Traci to not be able to experience childbirth, marriage, and the life cycle of ovaries. She has so many dreams of becoming a mother and wife. I look into my life and see that I've had those dreams fulfilled and wonder why not me? Why have I been able to experience the joys and pain within the unit of being a mother and wife? Why has she had to go through treatment after treatment, needles and surgeries, fatigue and exhaustion and yet continue to be placed at the foot of a huge mountain? 

 {Traci at Myriam's 1st birthday party November 2012}

But then we read that JESUS WEPT. In all His mercy, HE WEPT. 

Jesus knows all my thoughts, my anger, and my pain in the situation of watching my sister fight what seems as an impossible fight for the past six years. I listen to my parents depleted hearts and distraught thoughts. I see the anguish on their faces. I look into my children's faces and see a love for their Auntie but yet have to explain that she can't pick them up anymore. No more piggy back rides, wrestling, or goofing around in fear of breaking a bone. It frustrates me that I can't pack up and go everyday to help out with meals, cleaning, napping, or just bringing the "medicine" (the kids) to visit. 

But the beauty in all my thoughts is Jesus knows them. He hurts for my sister as I hurt for her. He knows the pain my parents are navigating for their daughter. Jesus knows the pain Traci is living in and the disappointment of dreams not yet met. 

I needed the reminder this morning that no matter how big the pain, Jesus loves us. No matter how big the obstacle, Jesus has a way to navigate through the valleys.

He loves us even in our extreme hurt. 

MERCY WEPT...

Jesus weeps for the battle my hero is blessed to fight. 

{First haircut since the Bald is Beautiful Party last year}

So I'm left encouraged. I'm left with hope. I'm confident that my sister WILL FIGHT and WILL WIN. As hard as we all will fight for her, we still believe...

HIS WILL NOT OURS.

Whether here on this earth or in Heaven...Jesus knows where she belongs and I will sing His praises and say, 'it is well with my soul' because I know that Traci has eternal hope and salvation in a God that heals and saves. 

So I know that if I weep...Jesus will too. 

They said "I DO"!!!

This weekend our family had the pleasure of attending our birth parents wedding down south on what turned out to be a GORGEOUS sunny day!

Some may not understand the relationship we share with Willie and Meranda, but after going to the Refresh Conference last month, I was reassured and felt given permission to have our open adoption. Yes, we share a special relationship that from the outside seems scary, different, and non-traditional. 

But to us, it is beautiful, giving, and life changing. We were able to build stronger, deeper relations with our daughters history and bio family members that later in life will help answer questions and give us a full picture cycle to our daughters life story.

{March 9, 2013}

This past fall Tim and I had the privilege of meeting Myriam's Great Grandma Betty from California. We had an amazing afternoon meeting great relatives and other family members from Meranda's family. We were privileged to once again see Great Grandma Betty at the wedding! All 5 (maybe) feet of her! We were also able to meet Myriam's bio Grandma Fancy (Meranda's Mom) and Aunt Nadine (Meranda's sister) as well. 

 {Great Grandma Betty}

{Great Grandma Betty & Grandma Fancy with my girls}

The park where the wedding took place had a great shoreline for the kids to throw rocks and collect shells. All the kids enjoyed playing together, hiding from the girls, and running around at the playground. Tim had his hands full when all but Myriam went on walks to the play area! Little Marley is a busy almost 3 year old, then curious Markel who will turn 4 the first part of April, and both Charlie and Mariah at 5 with plenty of energy to top off the kid train. Addison, as always and willing, provided an extra set of hands and eyes for the little ones but also was a nice help to Aunt Nadine with the wedding decorations. 

Once the ceremony was ready and wedding clothes on, the girls began tossing pedals which to Myriam were chew toys! We later told Charlie and Addison we'd pay them $3 each if they could pick up all the pedals that were blowing in the wind...they were quick to start as Charlie had a little help from Great Grandma Betty filling up his bag with pedals too. 

{Myriam with her bio siblings: Marley, Myriam, Mariah, & Markel}

Meranda was beautiful and glowing in her wedding gown!  

It was a blessing to share with Willie and Meranda on their wedding day and also to make some more memories with our extended friends and family. We thank Jesus for the gift of life and for the JOY that was given to us through adoption. 

Here are a few more memories from the afternoon...

 {The kids LOVED this dock but gave me a heartache every time they raced to the edge...I'm positive, if given the opportunity, Myriam and Marley would have gone swimming!}

{Myriam & Marley played PEEK-a-BOO and shared snacks together} 

{Yep. She got Cake Faced.}

And so now we pray that God would bless this marriage and protect this family. We pray that He would build them to be an even stronger couple together and as a family unit. We pray that our time with them they saw Jesus in us and that seeds were planted. We thank God daily for the blessing of family...

No matter what shape, size, or way it's presented to us. 

HOT Chocolate RUN

This weekend my dear friend and I ran in the Seattle Hot Chocolate 5k/15k Run!

{anytime, all day long}

We got the boot early from Tim to get out of dodge so we listened and headed south right away. We had a few stops that were necessary such as Osh Kosh, Nike, and Ross. After picking up our pre-race packets and paying $15 for about 30 minutes of 

parking (ouch!), we then found some yummy dinner without bibs, sippy cups, or young 

children fighting about the contents on their plates. 

{Marshall at the Pre-Race registration}

Then came the fun part. THE HOTEL. 

Never will I again stay at this hotel EVER AGAIN!!!!  For the sake of not making you barf I will spare you the picture of what Melissa and I found in the bed between the sheets. The experience began when we paid for underground parking and found that there was no parking available. Next came the blinds that only went half way down so of course we tried to gain privacy by placing pillows and chairs in the right place. We then did a "room check" to see exactly how clean the room was. It was at that moment that we discovered the party in the bed, brown over spray in the toilet along with unkept surfaces in the bathroom. You ask what I did? Of course I died LAUGHING!!!!!!! 

The beauty of this problem came this morning when we opened our blinds in the upgraded clean room...

{A beautiful view of Elliot Bay and the Cascade Mountains}

Of course we didn't see this until after the race since we had to be at the starting line by 5:45am and ready to run at 6:45am. We did have a jump start in a styrofoam  cup...

Now, this was my first all running race and I must say...I LOVED IT!!! I managed to run an average 10:02 minute mile with all the crowds of people through the streets of Seattle. And once you cross the finish line you are rewarded with the sweetness of a chocolate mug filled with yummy goodness inside.

{yummy goodness minus the marshmallow which was too hard to resist...Hot Chocolate, chocolate fondu, a banana, pretzels, cookies, and a piece of chocolate!!!}

These people are serious about their sweets...they even had a marshmallow tree!

{Melissa and Stephanie}

{Serious about our chocolate}

Next race...Bellingham 1/2 Marathon! I sure hope someone has chocolate for me at the end of my next race!